Onset: unknown, but usually when I’m thinking, feeling any form of emotion, of the negative valence, but sometimes occur without any emotions.
During: Production of noises from the throat(ie low pitch, ba ba), tongue movement (making farting noises), open and closing movement of mouth.
Sometimes twitches of cheek exist, left and right.
Cannot stop, it gets worse if i forcefully try to stop it, becomes more exaggerated, neck extends forward, jaw opens more, neck tension more.
After- Almost always, a feeling of sadness, tension lingering at the neck.
Today, went counselling, took a pill. C said to write everyday, meditate more frequently, and do things that make me happy more i think i cant remember. pill effects can feel, immediate release in tension, getting sleepier.
From today, i cried because, again, I realise that it was okay (I didn’t need any permission to feel okay) about the current relationship that i have with her, its okay that im feeling like unconfortable telling her things, it’s okay to feel comfortable with opening up so little, it’s okay:)
i realise i am very negative . pyng laughed and i straight away felt bad that shes laughing at my twitches but she was laughing at other things.
Today was an awful day, woke up in the morning feeling really bad, not sure why, just very sinking, heavy and sad, and I was in bed for around 1-2 hours more, and i felt vibrational when i did the phang meditation. Like i felt all the atoms in my body. i just felt excess energy, like an electric fence with too high voltage coursing through.
Yesterday I felt accomplished, did many things like any other student, and today I did much less, but I spent much more time with myself, though mostly involved feeling awful, trying to get out of it, finding a glimmer of hope from distance and spaces away from the noise, feeling better, and falling into it again. A cycle.
Three am and I can’t sleep third time in the current mid week. And third week like that. Even after meds, doesn’t seem to have an effect on me in sleep inducing. My mind is more powerfullol.